why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
