I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
