I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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