why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
