I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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