if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
