I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
