mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
