when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
