I heard we made out
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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