party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
