yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
