He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
