i'm signing you up for texting rehab
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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