She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize