How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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