Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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