um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
