I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize