So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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