I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
