Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
