the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
