Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize