turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
