I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
