my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
