I want you more than these girls want KFC
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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