Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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