WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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