Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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