highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
40s are totally the cure
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
