you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
