I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
