Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
