can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
