i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
