This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
