Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
