He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
