Someone shit on the floor
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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