whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
