Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
