Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(719): View more from Colorado

just survived the first fart of the relationship.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"

(239): View more from Florida

I am the fairy godmother of the drink.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how

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(760): View more from California

drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother

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(856): View more from New Jersey

he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call

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