So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
