so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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