This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize