some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No subtext here. People are naked.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
