kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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