I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
