like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
