Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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