Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
