He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
