I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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