So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
