And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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