i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
