woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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