either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
