New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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