i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
