So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
