Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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