apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
